Once more with Feeling

What Ho.

Recently I was told by my beloved that I seemed a little off during Bemis gigs. Not going for it like I do with my solo gigs. Also saying I don't look like I'm in the band..

Spurred on by this I decided to give it the bloody beans this eve and by all acounts it was a resounding success.

Sure there wasn't many people at the Fiddlers elbow, but this was thanks to the shite weather and also people are still hungover from last night.... If not they bloody well should be!

But we did cause literal dancing in the streets, and got some singing along plus I felt more of a part of the band.

Previous gigs have my Mic looking more like a piece of stage decoration rather than equipment. So I decided to use the rather neglected Mic and go for it in the chorus.

It worked and I felt marvelous.

I highly recommend giving it the beans, and suggest doing it more in day to day life.

Btw the title is an episode of Buffy the vampire slayer, Lils has been binging it, and it was the last thing I watched before leaving the house.

Damn my impressionable mind..

"walk through the fire......"

Ta ta

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what the fuck was that?

What up m'nizzles.

Couple of quick announcements first.

1.We're (Bemis) confirmed for Saturday night at Guilfest! So far its Jimmy Cliff, Jools Holland, Tim Minchin and us. Should be good, it'll be even better if Olly Murs cancelled.

2. I only have one announcement at the moment.

Any way the title of this ramble is in reference to last nights gig.

    On paper it was a bloody shambles, but somehow it was a total sucess.

We arrived to discover that the pub was hosting Jenny's 60th birthday party, several questions were raised:

1.can I play songs with swearing in them.

2.If the room is this full, why aren't we getting paid.

And 3. Who the fuck is Jenny.

As we weaved through the crowd dodging the minefield of sprigs to get to the stage, I couldn't help but notice that the 9/10ths of the tiny stage was taken up by a grand piano.

As we balanced ourself betwix piano and a wall of seated children staring at us from directly infront of the stage, We realised singing songs about prostitutes and alcoholism infront of the great wall of child care, would be frowned upon.

So..

As we rewrote out set list for the 3rd time, (to then throw it away and effectivly jam the greatest feel good hits of all time vol 1) the little sprogs started fiddling with and around the micstands and stage.

Desperately holding back the urge to punt the little fuckers so they tooled like an unsupervised coconut shy, I ended up watching them more than my bass playing. This annoyed me, this caused me to will the child to injure itself on an expensive piece of equipment so I can get a free replacement from the parent.

It was a pretty standard party gig, drunken tears asking for Rhianna and Oasis, me wishing a horrible death on said twats.

Incidentally, ladies: if your at a party or a wedding, your drunk and you want to request something from the band, listen to what they're playing and look at their appearence. Then have a think about songs in that style/genre then ... Fuck off and let the band play what they want.

Because the people (mostly women) who come upto bands pissed as a fart mid set or halfway through a song to ask for Rhrianna or oasis are not only fucking idiots but everone else in the pub is staring at you because you look like a needy prostitute. So please leave now or just sit and wait until you have to be inevitablely dragged home by two male friends for starting a fight with a bar maid.

If however you appear during the break and ask politely for a song that would suit the band we'll play it if we know it.

If your a drunk chav bloke:

kill yourself..

Eventually the Great wall of failed abortions settled down and seemed to enjoy themselves.

The prostitute was sated and danced the night away at a safe distance.

And after singing happy birthday to Jenny everyone seemed pleased.

We considered ending on wild rover but then chose to get off the stage before we were mobbed by children and prostitutes.

Ta ta

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All quiet on the Chunky front

What Ho!

I'm in m'Jim Jams, Ive given up phone blogging as my phone has now turned into purest wank.

Ive Fiddled with the website and updated a few dates:

Saturday Wednesday 14th has been Cancelled (WANK)

But the 17th at the Blue Keys Hotel is on! with a sexy Bemis/Sweetchunks Combo.(TASTY)

Im currently going over some new songs and practicing a few new covers, If i get really bored i may just write some new lyrics. (set your faces to stun!).

I know this update is shorter than my other updates but i cant be arsed, it's my day off and i want a sandwich!

Ta Ta chaps

Chunks

Gigs, Radio and blues oh my.

Good evening chaps.

So I'm in my favorite jazz-trou watching the complete scrubs DVD's that Lily got me for my Birthday.

Looking back over the last two weeks shenanigans, the increase in wedding related activities is becoming obvious. The date itself seems to be looming like a giant cake covered doom beast. The only thing more terrifying is the evil cuntasaurus that is the ever increasing bill.

But cover it up with a "fuck it" blanket, and its actually a laugh.

Going to a jewlers Looking at £600 paladium rings and then asking for a simple silver ring. Then watching the jewlers' face is fucking hilarious.

On the gigging front..

The inferno showcase was a resounding success, plenty of chums and punters, good music, lots of drinking and despite an attempt from a group of disgruntled Welshman. (disgruntled despite winning t'rugby, maybe its was because they couldn't tell which way up their silly flag should go...... How can you take a flag that has a giant lizard on what looks like a candle mint cake with a mouldy bottom on it seriously.) Casual racisim aside it was a good night. We've been asked back, were looking to do another show in Southampton, so brace your face. After a tasty session at Express FM with Gareth and Rich as Bemis at 12. I've been walking around Portsmouth and have been tired since 4pm so I'm going to bed. Night night Chunkland.

Sunday Cider

Morning Chaps,

Its Sunday, Prof Cox is on the box and i have a cider in my hand.
Blog Time!

I Should be recording my Ep today but I've had a bastard of a chest infection, so I talk and cough up lung cheddar like an 80 year old sailor.
 Lils(My Future Wife) is at work, working her notice before taking on a new Job at Marwell Zoo.The house is empty and in order to stave of the desperate act of masterbation as a form of boredom relief i should write this then sort out some song writing..

Last nights gig was a rather tasy peice, Despite the fact i had to leave a quater of the way through the Leather rats set.
Damn you Southwest trains! And Damn my reliance of your Steel Snakes!
Having to rush to Guildford was a bit different for me. Not being used to rush hour trains (owing to a deliberate attempt to avoid them at all costs) combined with all the Southampton fans going home to Winchester (yes i wrote that correctly) meant there was a High Cozzer to tosser ratio.

We had your usual Briefcase tosser, who thinks by looking at thier feet while they push past you, gives them the balls to shove people out the way. even if your holding the door open for them.
     The plus side of these Tossers is that they are easy to toy with. For example: A BT (as we shall call them) saw i was holding the door open for him, but looked down so he couldn't have to say thank you.
As he was going out of his way to be rude, i decided to rescind my offer and alowed the door to shut, because our chrome domed chum was so desperate to avoid saying thanks, he didnt notice the door had shut and run straight into it at full pelt.
(The sound of Balding Tosser upon Glass is most satisfying)

I was expecting more Football Tossers, but due to the cozzers the tossers cut back on their tossery other wise the constabulary would have something to say.

Having the usual "Whats that on your back" talk with drunk people was as usual a highlight to my fucking life. taking the time to point out the obvious to people id rather see under a train rather than sitting in it,next to me,going on and on and on when all i want to do is nothing..... is just swell.


The GiG was a jolly good laugh, the set went really well with Surry peeps singing along to Bemis originals.
Made a few new friends and had some reminising chats about festivals, especially the Magnificent Beautiful days.
Hopefully we'll be playing with these chaps again soon. odly enough all of the bands that played last night will be playing at Bearded Theory. one a day like a spread of musical jam on the Toast of Derbyshire.

Mmm Music toast.

As i mentioned before the only thing to sully the evening for me was having to leave early.
Balls

Big shout out to :
Leather Rat
True Decievers
Stevie one man one mandolin

Cracking Gig, Cracking Group of chaps.

Well im off to wee. and keep my self .....busy.

Cheeio

Chunks

The journey home

Evening all.

Well that was a bit shit!! I'm back on the train with a stinking headache after a shit Sweetchunks set, followed by a good Bemis set.

On arrival at the Festing AKA another pit of Portsmouth grade despair, I tried looking for the entrance for the birdcage, (Cunningly hidden round the back by the ladies lavs). Everyone in the pub looking at me like I was a walking turd, some hunched over old codger still wearing his navy hat like its an act like a cunt with no consequence card, called me a twat.

I'm not that miffed, as the shit stain on the underpants of England that is Portsmouth, is populated buy self serving opinionated rat people, so self obsessed, inbred and deluded by some misplaced sence of entitlement and grandiose magnificence, That they would shit in they're own back garden if it was closer than the toilet, Rob thier cousin after fucking them. While screaming "Play up Pompey!" At the top of thier rat lungs.

To simply know that they are stuck there, like the juice at the bottom of a bin, like AIDS in a Petri dish like a rats feeding of a refuse dump...

That thought alone gives me the joy to carry on when I visit that vile used tampon that is Portsmouth.

(That and the old twat at the bar had crippling arthritis)

Remember kids, cunts join the army too.

Without exception all of my portmouth friends ahave left,are leaving or regularly out of the city.

This is aimed at those sad fucks who think the world ends at petersfield.

Back to the gig

My New stomp box tried to emulate its fore fathers by sliding round the stage like a greasy bastard. Causing me to prance like a fucking ballerina trying to hit the little shit.

I shall invest in gaffer tape in future.

And when I was trying to start 10,000,000 slaves the little spewtum flipped over and made a lovely feedback whine.

Could have gone better better, but the harmonies on Drunken sailor and wildrover recovered the night.

The Bemis set went well, and were all excited about tomorrow. Roll on Guilford.

I guess I'd give more of a toss about the gig. If we weren't playing to an empty room.

XD

Cheers chaps

Chunks

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late again Mr Chunks?

Here I am, on a fold out chair pressed against a train door, on a train bound for Portsmouth.

Seeing as I have 40 minuets to spare I may as well catch up on my blog.

It's.been a few weeks since the last one and thi.he are going well.

I say well, what I.mean is FUCKING AWESOME! (horay my new phone has that caplocked in my dictionary, apart from carpet bombing my text with full stops, this.New phone isn't as wank as I first thoyght..)

Anyway, apart from the theft of my beloved iPhone 4, all is well.

I'm moving on, seeing other phones but no one gets my like my iphone did. I guess I'm being unfair to my new HTC explorer, i jumped straight into a new phone without having closure. I guess ill always be comparing her to the Colonel (yes I named my phone after my Cock, and yes my john Thomas has a rank. Bite me)

I suppose we'll have fun, but in my heart of hearts I know that when my contract comes up for upgrade, I'm dumping this bitch and gonna get some fine apple to bite awwwwwn playa'

I could talk about the actual theft but it makes me so mad I want to flip tables. As the only tables available are bolted to the ground, ill pass so I don't end up looking like the preverbial twat.

In other news my last few Sweetchunks gigs have been like crack, both times being informed by strangers that I was better than the main acts. So wheeeeeeee to me!

Playing at the firehouse was very special to me, with both a brilliant responce from a strange crowd, but also a big show of support from nearly all of my drinking chums from the Firehouse. (nothing quite like playing to your local, a full local singing along, clapping and asking for an encore. Chalk up my first ever encore).

Big thanks to Everyone in "Back to Nothing" who invited me along and a massive thanks to Tom "Teddy" Godphrey who put me up.to it.

We will be back at the firehouse soon!

Anyways my train journey is nearly over. So is this blog I shall finish in part two

"the journey home"

Ta Ta

Chunks

P.s if your wondering why the speeeliing is rubbish, there are millions of fullstops, "My" where there should be "Me" it is because blogging on an HTC using android is purest cack!
That is all

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