In the Dog house with the Dog house boat boys...

Suck my puns you sauce bitches! you love it


Good evening Chaps!

Having just returned from what can only be described as the gig from hell I am surprisingly chipper.

On arrival at the Bittern pub i noticed a similar facade to the Alamo, (with authentic bullet holes and pools of blood). The interior was slightly confusing, one wall had a series of instruments ( both musical and what appeared to be crudely surgical) nailed to it while another wall was adorned with spitfire posters and the roof had a confederate flag next to a union flag. Kitch wasn't the word for it and a word if used aloud would have initiated violence from the patrons, a mix of lurid, staring old farts, pretentious white haired old farts (who sneered at everything that myself and the headliners played, but when confronted said they loved it.) and drunk lads and ladettes who thought they were the life and soul of the party, who everyone else hoped would fuck off to the center of the sun.

One thing that caught my attention was the Padlock bracket on the OUTSIDE of the toilets. What terrible toilet beast frequented the halls of an evening and would it appear during my set and devour my audience. (which would have been a relief for both parties.)

To say the gig was not well received would be like saying Hitler could on occasion get a bit narky.
Admittedly I played shit, fucking up the occasional chord but even the "Boat Boys" who are brilliant crowd pleasers got a luke warm reception.

The audience couldn't be fucked, they were bland boring arseholes who are shining examples of the virtues of euthanasia. An example of how they completely missed the point was when one drunk.....chap came up to me and asked if i could play "razorlight or sumfin?'" I wanted to say I'd rather jump in a piranha tank, bollock naked with pate' smeared on my John Thomas. but i had to be diplomatic and say "razor light wouldnt really work on a banjo.."

But I am in a good mood because I'm relaxing in bed with Soup, lily is on her way home and i have £40 in my back pocket.
Yeah the gig was shit but it could have been worse....

I could have played Razorlight.

Drink up!
Sweetchunks.